Have you ever been left out, or felt that way anyway? I remember those times. I remember getting together with a bunch of guys in my neighborhood to play basketball and being the last one picked. Not a good feeling. Girls tell stories about what it feels like to want a guy to ask them out and how left out they feel when it doesn’t happen. The guy version of that feeling is asking a girl to prom or homecoming and her not giving you an answer for a couple of days. As guys we know she is just waiting to see if a better offer will come along (that happened to me in middle school anyway). Or maybe you find out that all your friends went to the movies on Saturday night and they didn’t even bother calling you to see if you wanted to go. Or maybe everyone is telling you about this great game called Jigglyball that apparently you are the only one who has never played (see Scrubs clip here). I guess all of us at one time or another have felt the sting of being left out. And sometimes that can take us to a pretty bad place – wondering if anyone will ever like us. At least that’s what we think in our more dramatic moments.
Our video Sunday night was about choices, but Daniel and Jonathan, the two guys sharing their stories, took me to a different place completely. The first guy, Daniel, talked about how his mom had been turned off from church because of gossip. I can understand that. Gossip is all about some people being on the inside and some people being left out. You understand that if you have ever been the one gossiped about. Jonathan talked about getting involved with a gang because when he moved from New Orleans to Dallas there was no one in the new place that he knew or who knew him. He was feeling left out. Some of us know what it’s like to start a new school and to not know anyone. There’s nothing we want more at that moment than to fit in. Being in can make us feel so good, and being out always stinks.
Can I confess that sometimes I get angry when we, the church, get caught up in this who’s in – who’s out thing? For example, I know that lots of people liked the “Left Behind” books, but there was a part of it that bugged me. It was this whole left out thing. Now, it wasn’t the books’ fault, it was my friends-who-were-reading-the-books’ fault. Some of them started to get this weird mentality that kinda came out as, “We’re going to heaven and you’re no-ot. Nah, nah, nah, na, nah, nah!” (That was supposed to sound like a playground taunt. Did you get it?) Now there is a time that’s coming, the Bible tells us, when we will be separated and some will get to go to be with God and others will be left out. But I get concerned when we who are not God try to do that here on earth, while we’re still alive. The thing we seem to miss is that Jesus went to great lengths to make sure we didn’t get that mentality of “those who are in” versus “those left out.”
Sunday I’m preaching on one of those stories, but it’s one we often miss in this context. (Sermon spoiler alert – or maybe this will make you want to come at 9:30 on Sunday to hear the rest of the story). It’s the story of how when the disciples were telling the children to stay away from Jesus, Jesus corrected the disciples saying, “Let these children alone. Don’t get between them and me. These children are the kingdom’s pride and joy.” (Luke 18:16, Message) These 3 short verses are recorded 3 times in the Gospels (also Matthew 19:13-15, Mark 10:13-15). Just three verses that have inspired very cute mental images you can probably see in your mind’s eye from Sunday School or paintings you’ve seen of Jesus with the children surrounding him. Now, I bet Jesus loved children a lot and I’m not discounting that – but I think there is more to this story than just cuteness. I think it’s a story about leaving people out.
I imagine that in this moment the disciples were a little full of themselves. I can see them with chests puffed out saying in their deepest, most profound sounding voice, “Don’t let the children bother Jesus, he has important stuff to do with big-shots like us.” You see, this story isn’t just about the kids, it is also about the disciples who want to feel important. “We’re the ones who belong,” they’re thinking, “and those others (the children in this case) need to stay on the outside.” But Jesus’ answer is different. He, in essence, tells the disciples to get out of the way. In fact, Jesus says in the story that “These children (the one’s you think don’t belong in our group) are the kingdom’s pride and joy,” inferring that you who think you are the inside are not.
There are times when all of us have been on either side of that line. Sometimes we are on the inside and it feels really good – like the disciples feeling important for a second there. Other times we’re the ones being left out, and that feels really bad. This story tells us two things about our faith. One, we are not left out of his love – none of us are. Jesus loves even the children among us who can do nothing to deserve it. Second this story sets an example for us to follow. We are not supposed to draw those lines of who is in and who is out. We are not to make others feel left out, but we are to welcome all into his church, into his love, into his forgiveness, into our group – his group.
Time to make it personal. How are you at making others feel included? How are we as a youth group at making others feel included? How are we as a church at making others feeling included? Here are some clues, if you’re not sure:
People who are good at making others feel included
- keep their eye out for those who look to be alone.
- participate with the whole group when in a bigger group, like school or youth group.
- invite others to join in activities and conversations.
- listen to other people talk, and even ask the quiet one what they are thinking from time to time.
- try hard not to only talk with the people they are closest to when in a large group
- only share inside jokes when they are together.
So how do you rate yourself? How do you rate our group? How do you rate Christians in general? What do we need to work on?
Jesus calls us to not make others feel left out, but rather to go out of our way to include others among the “in” group. That’s our call as Christians – our call as a youth group. If you are part of an “in crowd” maybe you need to consider how you can reach out to those who feel left out. And if you have friends make you feel left out, might I suggest that you look for some better friends? Know that you don’t have to feel that way. There are those who love you just as you are. They’re called your youth group, your church, your friends, your family. Don’t discount that. You’re in with those who really matter. You’re in with Jesus.
